This will be a good thing, although it’s going to be very hard. I kept so many of my lovely things when I moved to the northwest, in spite of the judgments and criticism from others who I’m sure thought I was needlessly hoarding. I felt, at the time, that I would be able to make a real home, that taking my fairies and china and garden things would help me to make a homey home wherever I landed. But I’ve spent four years in a tiny apartment that I can’t afford, and the dreamed-of home will never come to be. It will be better – I tell myself – to trim everything down and concentrate on getting well.
Plus I need the money.
So it’s time to get rid of some things and sell some things and cut down to essentials. My heart just cringes, this is going to be very hard.
I have a beautiful antique buffet / sideboard that I bought in the mid-eighties. My first gift to myself to celebrate graduating college, getting my first teaching job, and getting my first paycheck. It was going to be the first of many antiques, I thought. But it didn’t turn out that way. Nevertheless, I carted this piece around with me for years and years and though it’s well-traveled, it’s in very good shape.
I have a penchant for small worlds that I was lucky enough to be able to indulge. While I lived in Phoenix in a large house with many rooms, I had a collection of tiny teddy bears, many characters in little costumes with chairs and props. I played with those teddies like a child.
And I collected beautiful fairies – garden fairies, indoor fairies, china, large and small. For many years I had them displayed in little settings, tiny rooms or pretend woods, with branches and tiny trees and little lights strewn throughout.
There are boxes barely glanced into filled with the burgundy and gold Christmas things I love so much. Things I don’t have room or energy to bring out every year and so they languish, unseen but not forgotten, in boxes in a corner.
How can this be called hoarding? These beautiful things were once displayed and cherished! My heart says it’s cruel to judge me for wanting to keep them.
Can I bear to part with my lovely things? I must. I must! The life I thought I was saving them for is … not. I have to let it all go.
Now I’ve driven myself to tears. I’ll let myself cry about this today. I’ll work on letting go of them tomorrow.